Decision Paralysis
Why Making Choices Can Be Difficult and How to Make It Easier
I went shopping with my husband the other day at Men’s Wearhouse (near Chandler Boulevard and the 101 freeway), because he was in need of new clothes for work. I was shocked at the sheer number of different ties available! How could someone possibly choose when you have so many options?
It isn’t uncommon to have decision paralysis. It is commonly created when you are scared of making the wrong choice, and lot of people-pleasers, perfectionists, and over-achievers face this plague of indecision on a regular basis. Even more so, people who are neurodivergent tend to have been punished in some way regarding their preferences, and so a simple choice of a tie can feel larger than what it is, and having to sort through so many options can feel overwhelming.
How do you move past this? Ultimately, the feeling goes away when you are unafraid of making mistakes, but is that wise? That indecision is there trying to help you avoid making mistakes for a reason. It has probably served you well at some point.
Knowing that making a choice based on your preferences or in a carefree way has resulted in being hurt at some point, it becomes harder to want to do again. So as much as others assure us, and we tell ourselves that it isn’t that big of a deal and to just make a choice, we remain frozen.
If you need to be safe, it can be helpful to break down the decision. What does this decision impact? That helps narrow the choices to things that are appropriate. What am I attempting to show or communicate? That gives a bit of room for control and preference, and it can be helpful to do some research. Who needs to approve of this decision? Sometimes you will know, and sometimes you won’t and so you will have to make an educated guess. Then lastly, what do I prefer? Because feeling some control over a decision is good, and it can support your preferences.
But just looking at that, isn’t that exhausting? Most of us do this automatically. Let’s use an example:
Let’s say you need an outfit to wear to court in order to be taken seriously and encourage goodwill towards you. So, you pick to shop at Men’s Wearhouse, because they are going to offer clothes suitable for the occasion. In order to present as serious, you limit your choices between a black, navy, and gray suit. Your spouse wants to make sure you don’t overspend on something you don’t need, and since you have a black suit at home, you get rid of that option. The gray suit doesn’t seem to fit as well, and so you narrow down your choice to the navy suit, because the fit matters in helping you be seen as presentable in court. So, you decide to pair that with a white shirt and a purple tie with a subtle pattern, because the white shirt easily goes well with other outfits for future (reducing future costs), and the purple tie makes you happy and shows a bit of personality.
In writing it out, it seems like a lot of steps, but most of us do this automatically. When you are stuck in decision paralysis, breaking it down can help you move forward. If you want to get rid of that decision paralysis in the first place, and just be able to trust your decision-making without getting frozen in fear of making the wrong choice, you need to heal the deeper problem. This is where therapy helps.
A skilled therapist can help you reprocess those moments when you have made a mistake in the past, to where you are no longer afraid of doing it again. You have learned and grown, you are more capable now, and you can make a choice without experiencing the feelings of fear and shutting down. Therapy can help you recognize that you will be okay if you do make a mistake, notice when a decision isn’t that high stakes, where you can relax and trust yourself, knowing that you can handle difficulties when they do happen.
