Noticing Our Thoughts
How Taking Steps to Observe What Goes in Our Minds Helps to Give More Control in How We Feel
As we go through our daily lives, we take in meaning from what we experience. We notice something, we form a thought about it, and we give that thought contact and it either reinforces or creates a belief. Yet, what sticks in the mind of one person doesn’t stick in the mind for another. And we can walk away from a shared experience with different messages from it. How does that happen?
Sometimes in therapy, we are trying to practice just noticing a thought, without taking it in as true. We are just noticing the message. Then, we stop and question whether or not we are taking in the correct message. Am I just seeing this through a filter of what I already think and feel? What do I not know that could change what it actually means?
Asking these questions is important, because it helps us be actively in control of how we digest information. Take a belief of “it’s a dog-eat-dog world, and everyone is out to get you.” Thinking like that, you might see someone offering to help you as a sign that they see you are weak, and that they want to undermine you.
If you are actively questioning your own thoughts, you open yourself up to more possibilities. Like you could consider that the teenager at the grocery store is offering help because they want to impress their own boss. Or maybe it is their first day of work and they are eager to prove their worth. Or you can even see that perhaps they heard you sigh and say that you had a long day, and they genuinely care.
When you see other possibilities, it allows you to choose which beliefs you want to take in. Like for our example scenario, maybe we you can shift towards seeing this as proof that kind people exist in the world. Or maybe you prefer to see that others are usually more concerned about themselves than they are focused on you. The flexibility in thinking allows you to feel whatever truth suits you at the time.
I can hear some of you arguing about how that sounds delusional, that there is a truth out there. That is totally true. However, there are many instances in life where we will never get the answers to figure out what is true. We are deluding ourselves either way. Why pick the delusion that makes us angry and scared of the world? Why choose to think of ourselves as less than?
There are many reasons why we might choose to think the worst, and generally it comes down to feeling like we need to protect ourselves. In therapy, we process those feelings to help you realize that you are strong and capable of handling difficult things as they arise, so you don’t need to protect yourself ahead of time. What lessons, or important messages, are you logging down to keep in your mind?
(Office Max on Broadway and Rural, in Tempe, had some lovely message notebooks, which suited this topic perfectly. Enjoy the imagery I picked to show this idea!)
