Overworking to Avoid Feeling “Not Good Enough”
How Breaking the Chains of Perfectionism is Rooted in Inner Child Healing
What is keeping you chained up? For a lot of people, they might answer that they are tied down by their job, their family’s never-ending needs, by the economy, or something else outside of their control. While there is some truth that these obligations and barriers aren’t ones that we can easily shrug off, they aren’t what truly binds you.
What holds you back from relaxing, preventing you from living life the way you want to, is a desire to avoid feeling not good enough. At work, this can look like holding yourself to impossibly high standards, spending long hours on a project even though you aren’t required to do so, and always giving 110% effort. You might do this because underneath you want to be an invaluable worker, so you won’t be easily replaced, and trying to prove that you are actually worth the money you are being compensated.
When parenting, you might get overwhelmed when your kids don’t listen, because it feels like you must not be a good parent. You might hyper-fixate on making sure your home is tidy to show that you are capable, not wanting to appear dirty, gross, or lazy. When your kids are struggling, you might panic, get angry, or feel impatient, because again, you hold yourself to an impossibly high standard, and feel like a failure of a parent.
So, the key to relaxing and enjoying life is to internally feel that you are good enough, and not be afraid of being imperfect. That is way easier said than done. If it was easy, you probably would have already googled it and figured out how to do it on your own. It isn’t easy to do by yourself, because usually it involves healing your inner child.
Somewhere along the way, you probably picked up this inner belief that you aren’t enough, that there is something wrong with you, and that mistakes aren’t okay. Then because feeling that way is painful, you did everything you could to avoid feeling that way, probably building up a whole identity around the ways you’ve excelled and achieved. Seeking out a therapist helps you on this inner journey towards healing those long-held wounds, helping you figure out who you are when you aren’t chained down by shame.
(Obviously everyone’s shame looks slightly different, hence the variety of chains and ropes pictured, courtesy of the Home Depot located on Baseline Road and Country Club Drive near my office)
