The Top of the Ladder

Happiness Isn’t Found at the Top of the Ladder, it is Found in the Climb

I have enjoyed sand tray therapy, both in my own healing, and as a therapist. It is a type of therapy where there is a big tray of sand and a bunch of little miniatures, and you are tasked with creating a scene in the sand, a world to process. We often think of this as something only for children, but it is also very helpful for adults too. We process our feelings through symbols all of the time in our dreams. Perhaps we all need somewhere to explore our feelings without words, without an obvious logic to it.

Sand trays are usually effective because the sand itself is of the earth (a symbol of what is tangible), yet flows like water (a symbol of emotions), building up a stage to know where to focus our attention, and helping us notice the emptiness there where sand or other objects are not. But a sand tray isn’t the only space we can speak to our subconscious, we can do so anywhere if we train our eyes to see it. Photographers often see meaning in the world around them, making sure to frame and angle it in a way to best capture it.

In my office in southeast Mesa, I keep many miniatures and figurines just waiting to be used and moved around for self-expression. However, I looked at this ladder, just there on the shelf, I realized it held a meaning for me, a question even. It asked me, “What am I climbing the ladder towards?”

I see the ladder is aimed towards a corner, so it is very focused, with the lines of the bookshelf walls and the ladder creating 3 lines pointing towards each other. What do I hope to find when I reach the top of the ladder? All ladders end, and they are just there to help us reach a destination, but where is this aiming?

High achievers, top performers, former gifted kids, workaholics, we all tend to be great at climbing the ladder, but to what end? Therapy is a great space to slow down and look at the big picture in order to make sure you are going in the direction you want to go. Would we still climb the ladder if it leads no where?

I once heard some wisdom to the effect of: “Depression lies in staying too focused on the past. Anxiety arises when we are too focused in the future. True happiness is when we are focused on the moment, feeling the present as it happens.” It connected to me when I heard it, but it definitely made me question what the point is in continuing to achieve more. Then I heard of a concept of flow, where science shows happiness lies, where it is the state we enter into when our ability is exactly befitting the challenge we are engaged in.

So what is the point of climbing the ladder? Why keep pushing ourselves if happiness isn’t a destination, but felt in the moment? The answer is simple: because we can! We as humans like to grow, we like to create, we like to push ourselves.

There is a feeling of zen found in engaging in a challenge that we are just barely equipped to achieve. As it becomes easier to achieve, our sense of flow is lost! When it is easy, it becomes boring. We push ourselves to achieve more and more because we become more and more capable, and thus our requirements to achieve flow, to achieve happiness, move further and further along as we grow more capable.

It is easier to find this kind of flow in tasks that are achievable, because we get feedback that we are reaching a goal. Emotional challenges are difficult, because there is no clear-cut achievement. This is where therapy can help you practice observing and noticing your own goals in your emotional world. When you notice your own achievement as they are happening, you can more easily be present, and feel the sense of flow as you live your life.