You Can’t Get an “A” in Therapy
High Performers Benefit from Slowing Down the Healing Process
Especially for those of us that are high-achievers and workaholics, where we give our 110% to whatever we set our minds to, when we get started in therapy, we often want to jump in full-force. This might look like getting self-help books, listening to podcasts, watching videos, and asking for therapy homework. Giving all of this energy into therapy can be helpful in some ways, especially if there are logistical issues that prevent being able to engage in it for a sustained period of time, but it can also be an unhelpful way to go about it, as it has us engaging in the same patterns that we are needing to change.
Have you ever had a dog that immediately scarfs down its entire meal when you feed them? Sometimes they eat so fast that they choke on their food, throw it up afterwards, or just end up begging for more. This is where we might get them a slow feeder dog bowl, to force them to take it slow. They still get the same amount of nutrition, but the way they consume it is better for them, and they stay satisfied longer. Similar to these gluttonous pups with their food, some of us need to slow down our therapy healing process.
There are a few negative impacts of going too fast in the therapy process, but here is a common one I see. Often, when we give so much effort into something, we expect the results to match our effort. When it doesn’t meet our expectations, or it is slow to show the results, we feel disappointed, let down, assume that what we are doing isn’t working, and stop our efforts. Therapy is focused on changing your life, and the results are rarely fast due to how many layers are involved. So, by going too fast, you can set yourself up for failure.
You might notice that same pattern happening in your efforts towards your workplace? You come in, excited, learning a lot, quickly becoming a star performer, but then start feeling let down because your efforts are exceeding what you are being rewarded. Many high achievers have this relationship with their career, to where they have a hard time staying in a workplace for very long. A promotion or new tasks can keep you satisfied for a while, but most employers have a hard time continually finding new ways to meet this need. Some do continue to find ways to keep you busy, but that eventually ends up with you becoming overworked and underpaid.
So how do we break out of that pattern? We have to stop ourselves from giving too much all at once. For goals we set for ourselves where there is no clear end goal, we can’t give everything we have for results that might take months or years to be felt. We have to create habits and take time to enjoy the process.
*If you now have been thinking about dogs and all of the gear pictured, you can visit the Arizona Animal Welfare League in the Chandler Fashion Center mall, off of Chandler Boulevard and the 101 freeway. I always enjoy visiting them and donating in order to support their rescue. If you didn’t know, you can donate $10 and get to spend 15 minutes 1-on-1 with a puppy or kitten of your choosing!
