Breaking the Cycle

When I help parents try to figure out how to help their household thrive more, we often need to remember that a home with children is full of people who are learning, and the parents are the teachers. Much of our work goes into becoming more intentional with what we are teaching, what values are being instilled, so that success can be felt. However, some of the biggest barriers to being intentional are our own emotions, the “shoulds” that a parent carries with them about what it means to be a good parent, and triggers that come up as parenting automatically brings up our own childhood pains. But as Steven Covey put it, "When air is charged with emotions, an attempt to teach is often perceived as a form of judgment and rejection." When our feelings come up when parenting, it takes us out of the rational brain, to where we are no longer being intentional with our actions. Our own reactivity is causing harm to our families, because children don’t know better and they assume that they are the problem, that their parents are reacting rationally. They carry those feelings of shame and guilt with them into adulthood, perpetuating the cycle within their families.

"When air is charged with emotions, an attempt to teach is often perceived as a form of judgment and rejection."

~ Stephen Covey