Achieving Goals When Neurodivergent
How ADHD, Autism, and PDA Needs Differ When Trying to Stay Motivated
I recently saw on social media a conversation about how people with ADHD may not benefit from telling others about their goals. The explanation around this was that when people with ADHD just talk about their goals with others, they get their hit of dopamine, and then lose motivation to actually complete the goal. So, this would mean that much of the advice given to people, to tell others in order to help hold them accountable, doesn’t actually work!
I saw that many people commenting on this reflected that this was something they had experienced and were never able to articulate, which made me wonder, “How many strategies are given to people who struggle with motivation, many of whom have undiagnosed ADHD, that are the opposite of what someone with ADHD needs?” I can imagine that so much of this guidance is geared towards how people typically think, and so this wouldn’t be helpful for those who think differently. This is why taking advice and guidance from others who are also neurodivergent is important: they get how your brain works!
This is why I support people gathering insight and information from social media. Many people are afraid of looking like a naive self-diagnosing follower when they do so, but I view social media as simply a platform for exchanging information. Is there misinformation on social media? Absolutely. However, when it comes to minority populations, being able to hear successful strategies from like-minded peers, that you don’t have access to in your daily life, is incredibly helpful.
When thinking particularly of this topic, of ways to stay motivated to complete your goals as someone with ADHD, I wondered about the common advice to write down one’s goals. I could imagine for some of us, writing it down could provide a similar dopamine hit as one gets just by talking about those goals. So, if this line of thinking is correct, then journals to track productivity [like these found at Barnes & Noble (3111 W Chandler Blvd #2054, Chandler, AZ 85226)] and set goals may not be helpful for those with ADHD.
I also am considering how many people that have ADHD also may identify as being on the autism spectrum. In some parts of the world, Pathological Demand Avoidance (I prefer the strengths-based name “Persistent Drive for Autonomy”), or otherwise referred to as PDA, is commonly associated with autism. In people with a PDA profile, they become easily dysregulated by demands placed upon them. Now demands aren’t just literal things asked of them by other people, but implied demands of needing to wake up at a certain time, needing to socialize with others at a get-together, or even needing to feed oneself when hungry. When overwhelmed by these demands, some people shut down, and some people actively rebel against them as a way to assert their own autonomy.
I thought of the overlap between ADHD, autism, and PDA because the guidance of telling others about a goal could be actively making it harder to achieve for many people who are neurodivergent. For those with PDA, it would be making something that was a self-driven dream they were eager to work towards suddenly feel like a demand. So then how do we achieve those goals?
This answer goes back to my early days of psychology coursework for me. Many people who have ever taken a psychology course have heard of the humanistic psychologist Carl Rogers. He posed that all people naturally strive towards self-actualization, growing to reach their full potential. What stops us often has to do with not having a supportive environment.
Drawing those ideas together, perhaps all that neurodivergent minds need in order to reach their goals aren’t planners, an accountability buddy, or checklists, but instead, they just need the right environment. What helps in achieving those goals is to instead focus on how to help them create an environment of support, with people and routines that feel good.
We all exist in the context of the world around us, and we all struggle with the limitations of not having enough time and resources to do what we want. However, when we recognize our own preferences, we can make more active decisions that suit our needs, giving us better conditions for growing towards self-actualization.
We don’t need to focus on our goals directly. We need to focus on what blocks us from our goals, and then gather what resources we need to achieve them. This is where therapy is helpful, because in talking through our thoughts and feelings out loud, we begin to notice patterns and spend time considering emotional blocks and clearing them out. In having a safe and supportive therapeutic relationship, it also helps to reflect what kind of emotional resources we need to feel ready to take on harder challenges. Therapists don’t tell you strategies to reach your goals, we simply provide a safe environment for growth and give you space to actually notice yourself and your needs amongst the many demands placed on you.
