Letting Happiness In
How to Actually Enjoy the Little Things in Life
I recently went to one of my favorite local restaurants, India Oven, over on Gilbert Rd. and Southern Ave. in Mesa. One of my favorite desserts there is the gulab jamun, which are little spheres made of fried milk solids and flour, which are then soaked in a warm syrup. When I looked at them, I thought about how they wouldn’t be as nice if they weren’t soaked in syrup and were just drizzled with the syrup instead.
This made me think of how life’s good moments don’t feel as good when we don’t let it soak into ourselves. We usually don’t do it on purpose, but something stops us from feeling it, or it just doesn’t last. So how do you let that happiness and joy soak in?
Well, sometimes it is simply not having as much joy surrounding you. You can’t soak up life’s warm syrup if there is barely any there. The other piece though is not being present for those good moments. You might physically be there, but if you are running around anxiously trying to do something, worrying about the next thing to get done, you can’t also sit there and soak in the delights around you.
I encourage you to stop. Pause for a moment and notice the pleasant noises, textures, sights, and tastes. Notice how it feels in your body when you hear a loved one laugh. Notice what it feels like when you smile. Take a moment for gratitude, being thankful for just that moment. Recognize what it took to make this merriment happen, seeing your role in it, and also noticing how the universe aligned it for you to appreciate. Almost take a photo with your eyes and body to help it solidify in your mind.
The reason I ask you to do that is to slow down and give yourself an entire experience to enjoy in your mind later on. Our brains are hardwired to save all of those kinds of details when we are threatened or in danger, but it takes more effort to keep the details of those positive moments.
What else stops us from letting life’s pleasures soak in? Sometimes, we are the problem. Have you ever received a compliment and then immediately rejected it, or downplayed it, usually thinking that someone is just being kind? Most of us have, but why? What are we protecting ourselves from when we reject another’s admiration?
Often we don’t want to feel good about ourselves, and then go through someone tearing us down, telling us that we aren’t as good as we think we are, and feeling like we were a fool. We may also distrust others’ intentions, and assume that kindness is transactional, and you don’t know what they want yet. We may also feel like an imposter, and we don’t want to feel like we are lying to everyone, worrying about eventually letting them down.
In summary, there’s a few things we need to do in order to actually let life’s sweetness into our hearts: slow down, notice how it feels, appreciate it, trust others, and see our own worthiness in the world. I say that like it is easy, but it isn’t.
Therapy can help though! This is why working with a therapist is differently than reading a book or watching a video, because we help you practice in the moment, point out when you have fallen back into old ways of thinking and responding, and we keep you focused on why you are wanting to change.
