Self-Love Through Connection

When I help people get through relationships ending or even processing their own self-worth in comparison to their partner, we often reflect upon what it is that they actually love about that relationship. Often, we come to the conclusion that they loved how they were within that relationship, happy, gracious, entertaining, adventurous, confident, and playful. These traits come as a result of feeling safe and accepted, understood and treasured. To feel understood, we often seek confirmation that the other person “gets” us, that they can relate, or as Alexander Smith notes, "Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition." We love the other person because they bring out and highlight the best in ourselves. In seeing another connect, love, and cherish us, we see ourselves as worthy of love. It is that self-love we feel that we yearn for within our romantic relationships.

"Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition."

~ Alexander Smith